I was looking at some of my old vlogs while looking for this video I had made for Beni (couldn’t find the damn video though…). OMG… I used to be so cute. Kinda stupid and boring, but I at least looked cute with cutie curls and eye make-up. I’d do them again, but it be hard with Dakota since she always tackles me every time I’m on the computer. And I’ve had a lot of friends and family asking me to start them again. Sorry. )= Not to mention my life is even MORE boring than before. And back then my life wasn’t even interesting.. All my vlogs now would be like, “ZOMG, Dakota’s driving me insane,” or “AWWW! Watch Dakota dance to these obscure Disney songs”, or “School is so easy right now I want to skip class like a winner”. Yeah… I’m so boring. Anyway, if you want to see some of those old vlogs, here’s the tag for them or whatever. VLOGS
And It’s Time for Me to Fly.. 06/09/2011
Back from school after a long weekend. And by long I don’t really mean because we all had Monday off.
Saturday I loss my grandfather (we called him Papa). From what I was told it was around 3 in the morning when my aunt got the call he passed. She said he wasn’t doing well the night before so she asked the nursing home to make him as comfortable as possible.
Three years ago when I was living in Alaska, Papa flew to California from the Philippines with our grandmother to help my family out who had just moved there. It was almost immediately after they settled in he had a really bad stroke which since then left him pretty much a vegetable. He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, and after a while he couldn’t even focus on us. It was so sad to see what used to be such a strong man suddenly reduced to nothing.
When I left Alaska and moved to California I did my best to visit him every chance I got. I knew he was lonely living in the nursing home with no family there. My grandmother is old but still kicking so she had no reason to be there. I felt bad because every time we visited Papa, she would spend maybe 5 minutes with him then run off and talk to the nurses and everyone. I always stayed. I felt bad because I never knew what to say to him when it was just the two of us in the room. My dad would always say not to touch him so I couldn’t even comfort him by holding his hand. After going to Florida and coming back, no one would take me to go see him anymore. I might have gone once. I don’t even remember anymore. But either way, after that I never got to see him again.
He has spent three years, THREE YEARS on that bed, never moving, never talking, just existing. His soul has been trapped. It always hurt me to say it, but I wished my family could have just set him free rather than let him spend his last few years the way he did. I mentioned he was always such a strong man. His dignity was the least we could’ve given him.
Papa’s passing is a blessing for him. His soul is finally able to soar and he no longer has to suffer. I’m so happy, but it still hurts. I’m crying now just writing this. I don’t like to cry. I hope he’s happy. I believe in an afterlife and I know my mother’s spirit is happy to have him with her.
