moving along 22/11/2009
no zen-like youtube music today. the music i hear is nii-san playing resident evil 5’s mercenaries. which btw, resident evil 5 gold, ZOMG! two new champaigns and mercenaries reunion with 8 new players??! eek! needs to come out NYYYAAAOOWWW!!
what’s been up recently? well, things have been getting better since my little relapse, so that’s good. i’ve been able to do a little mantra meditation and such to get me back in-tuned and grounded again. also been reading some “happy books”. yeah… counselor recommended a few books for me to pick up, so i thought, eh. why not give it a shot. plus i haven’t done any reading in FOREVER, so it’s good to get back into it. i’m just so glad my stupid episode is over and i can get back to taking care of myself and my family.
speaking of family, so beni moved! ok. he kinda did. he moved to his brother’s old room and it’s AWESOME! it’s so much bigger than his old room. hell, it’s even bigger than MY room! we got pretty much all the furniture in the new room, just gotta finish moving all his clothes and such. there’s so much space there now we can just sprawl out on the floor and chill..which we do. x3 and gaming is more enjoyable too. we aren’t dangerously close to the tv anymore so our eyes can endure even longer gaming sessions. hahaha… which is good because a lot of good games just came out. uncharted 2, assassin’s creed 2, modern warfare 2…just noticed these are all sequels. funny.. anyway, a lot of good games! here’s how we celebrated the move:
mmm…we DO enjoy the bubblies! and check out the totally cute purple micro-plush throw beni got for me for the move. i LOVE it!!! it’s so soft!! <33 i think i’m doing what elliot from scrubs did at the end of the series. i think i’m secretly moving into beni’s place. haha. i think that’s just me hoping that one day beni asks me to move in with him. maybe one day… ^^;
on the 17th, i met my nutritionist for the free food program i signed up for. it was pretty cool talking about my current diet and how i can improve it for my health. she said that i could keep with my vegitarian diet which rocks! but i have to drink…*gulps*…milk… ugh! i’m serious, that shit is nasty. i’ve been downing it with chocolate syrup and vanilla extract and i still can’t stand it. i’m glad i only have to drink it half the time. man…why can’t soy milk be included in the program?? ;A; speaking of healthy eating, beni just wowed me recently by hitting up a veggie patty sub at subway recently:
veggie patties!
oh my brave man! i still find it funny that he chose it out of the blue. i assumed he would’ve ordered something more…dead. but he enjoyed it and he even said he’d eat it again. now if i can get him to eat at least a tomato slice…hmm… baby steps! also, i went to tijuana flats for the first time yesterday. it was actually REALLY good. i had a veggie soft taco and i wanted MORE. maybe we can go sometime again soon. we went to the one on this plaza called village place off montague street. very nice place. i wish i can get a flat there!
ooo! and i just got in a few goodies! i’m so excited for them!
after my favourite ahnk necklace broke a year or so ago, i’ve been going through so many different necklaces to fill the void. i’ve had a lot but none stuck it out long enough. the ones made of metal eventually rusted, my hemp ones broke, and my favourite necklace that tita modie gave me is now scattered all over beni’s floor. ;A; i finally just decided to go online and just search. i looked through so many online stores to find SOMETHING that would just call out to me. there were a few that were begging me to buy them, and i still just might do that, but i finally came across this lovely om necklace that said, “hey, raven. you know i’m the one for you!” it’s a lovely little pewter om that i found in a store on ebay. my last necklace (the ahnk) was pewter too, so i think this was somehow destined. ^^ and it was surprisingly really inexpensive! the ones that i kept looking over that i loved were a bit pricey. around the 40 and up range which i usually don’t mind considering my favourite ahnk necklace of all time was around 70, but this little guy was under 6 dollars! EEE!!! and it looks SOOOO much cuter than it’s picture online! <33 ॐ
i also just got in the crystal wands i ordered earlier in the week. they are so beautiful! i was so afraid the ones the lady would pick out for me would be really pale coloured ones, but these are just..uhhh!!! i love them! also, the seller sent a tumbled moonstone and aventurine as a free gift!! i can’t wait to use them all!
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lastly…
I GOT A JOB!!!!
much needed love 11/11/2009
i’ve been having such a terrible last few weeks or so. recently things being about my health, beni working a lot to where i can’t see him, and beni finding out about his life-altering back disease. all that plus the negative energy i’ve been having prior to all that. i just felt so down and that i was completely alone.
then suddenly everything good came rushing. i am this much closer to finding employment. i know that my doctor recommended i not work or do anything that might stress me out till further notice, but i just feel like despite obvious reasons (keeping busy and income) i REALLY needed this. if i get the job, and it is still considered too stressful for me according to my doctor, i can just simply quit. i think i’m good though. hehe. so waiting for the call-back. wish me luck!
it started out with a visit to my mother. is was the day after halloween and it’s tradition in the philippines to visit those who have passed. it was late in the day, i had left beni’s home late after helping care for him since he was suffering through a migrane along with his backpain, i’d gone three different places looking for flowers for my mother without avail, and the sun was setting earlier starting that day. i was bummed out by the time i visited my mother, but once i did, i just let out everything. it’s always beautiful in the sunset memory gardens, and i always feel like my mom does a little something just to make those visits a little more pleasant. after somewhat “venting”, i felt so much more peaceful.
a few days later, i get a letter from my good friend ahni. she moved to california not long after i did and because of that i rarely hear from her aside from a few myspace messages here and there. she didn’t know that i’d been so down, but somehow just holding her letter in my hand just washed away any stress i had that day. i almost felt like somewhere in her subconcious she knew that i was in need of a little ahni-induced-happiness. she’d be living a pretty good life in cali doing what she loves and that really inspired me to do just that as well. i resumed my paintings and they look so much more beautiful than i could have imagined them to be. hopefully soon they will be completed.
maddie is one of the few people that knows exactly what is going on with me. out of all my closest friends right now, i have known madison the longest and i feel like i can open up to her whenever i need to. it also seems like whenever i’m down, she can somehow sense it because the next thing i know i’ll see a message on my phone from her asking “is everything ok?”
i get a call from one of my best girlfriends suzy. she had been worried about me recently because of how i have been acting. i try not to burden others with my problems even by telling them what is wrong, but for some reason i felt it was ok to do it just this once. i let out everything, what is wrong with me, that i’ve been feeling down, and how i felt so hopeless…and she listened. held on to every word and listened and reassured me everything was going to be ok. it is funny how our friendship randomly fired back up so suddenly after not speaking to her for maybe 2 years, but boy am i glad as hell it happened. <33
by some crazy chance, the universe led my dear friend jules over to this exact blog. he looked through my entries only to be saddened by my current state of mind and general well-being. a few days ago i get a call from him. he’s one of those that not only is a great listener but knows just what to say to make things so much better. he suggested we just get together sometime soon to just chat and hopefully work through my problems. i hope that happens! before we ended the call he reassured me that i will get through this tough time. he told me whenever i’m too overwhelmed, breathe in “love” and exhale “light”. i tried it that night, and it really DID help. i’ve been using that technique since and i think i’ll eventually swear by it. ^^
my cousin terra (tayler) is probably my closest relative aside from immediate family. we grew up together and to this day i still consider her my “little sister”. the girl is only 15, six years younger than me and she is probably one of the most intuitive, but not aware, person i know. i am now convinced she is an indigo. it was one night i was talking to her for some time and during then it was brought up that i was sick. she immediately brought up what she thought was wrong and was completely right about EVERYTHING. it was crazy. she mentioned that she had several dreams about it throughout the year already and was surprised to see that it was actually reality now. surprising to me, she was EXTREMELY supportive about the whole thing and is really enthusiastic to help. everytime i speak to hear now, she wants to know how i am. she’s been really invovled with my journey and i can’t help but be thankful for that little bundle of joy i first met back in 1994.
since finding out what medical condition i was going though, i felt as if my sister had done everything to distance herself from me. i felt as if i couldn’t talk to her and if i needed her, she woudn’t do anything to help me. i’m hoping that that is just her way with handling news such as this, but i still hated it. i would get angry with her very easily, but did everything i could to keep it to myself considering her sensitive personality. sometimes, ok. correction, i ALWAYS feel like i am in fact the older sister and i’m watching over some sort of 8 year old. she’s known about my condition since 9 september, and i still don’t think she’s ready to accept it. but recently, i think she’s been starting to start accepting. excuse the repetition. maybe i’m just blinded by my hopes, but i feel like she’s been doing a little more to spend a little time with me whether it be watching our hour and a half of scrubs around midnight or her hanging in my main room playing resident evil 5. baby steps, and i’m so thankful for them. <33
lastly, how could i forget my darling sweetheart, soul mate, father of my future children, love of my life boyfriend beni? sadly enough, some of my recent depression was because i was spending so little time away from him and whenever i was fortunate to speak to him, all we would talk about how depressed HE was about his back condition. we would spend the night talking about how badly his back was ruining his life and how he will never be the same ever again and his hopes and dreams were crushed because of this. i did everything i could to cheer him up, make him feel better, but nothing seemed to work. i felt useless which made me feel even more depressed. it got to the point where i almost didn’t want to pick up the phone whenever he would call. just when i felt the most distant from him, i get a text from him saying “there’s something i want you to know“. it was a little out of nowhere, so my only response was, “yes?“ moments later i get the most heart-warming picture text.
it seriously brought tears to my eyes. just when i was at my lowest point, beni jumps right in to pull me out. i couldn’t ask for something, for someone so perfect.
i think the universe is taking good care of me now. i was alone and now i’m filled with so much needed love. i almost feel like the universe is spoiling me a little, but i’m not complaining. i’m hoping things will start looking up. hopefully my next doctor’s appointment will reveal good news. we’ll see how everything plays out.
halloweeny 03/11/2009
not sure how the rest of you spent your halloween, but i can say mine was a little more quiet than usual. halloween is my sister’s birthday so something is always planned with the family. well, with just nii-san and me with dad still out in the complete opposite side of the world, we didn’t really have much planned especially since dad’s stay extension was totally last minute.
it started out at beni’s house. i had stayed the night there because the night before was the halloween party for our kung fu school. we got out there around 0230 in the morning, and upon getting home, beni played borderlands till about 6 in the morning. i fell asleep during that time. so our halloween started out late. it was already past noon, i’d been making calls to my sister asking what her plans were, and during that, i still hadn’t eaten. blood sugar low, starving, stressed, then finally eddie and nikki come and we head out to first watch for “breakfast”. delish… had a “veg’d out” omelette. sooooo good. and beni let me have some of his pumpkin pancake. doubly good…. got back to beni’s then we drove over to my house to start birthday stuff with nii-san.
nii-san’s friend stephanie joined us later. it’s always fun to have her around. i feel less nerdy when she and ash start to babble about something like buffy or hetalia. haha… i think beni even got along with stephanie too. they had some “nerd bickers/wars”, but all in good taste. i thought i’d be the nice little sister and make nii-san some homemade fettucini alfredo, one of her favourites. i think i need to adjust the recipe for next time, but it was still good. i think mostly everyone had seconds. while everyone was still talking at the dinner table, i started making some fruit jello. which now that i think about it, we never got to eat because it didn’t cool in time and now that it’s not pure liquid, it’s frozen solid. i hope it’s good though.
for the halloween part of the day, we watched “the lost skeleton of cadavra” which was probably one of the best cheese-tastic movies i’ve seen since zoolander. xD it was amazing and we all loved it.
“and together, you and i shall rule this world together!”
oh the cheese… it was so good. everyone should watch it. it should be a halloween tradition or something. kinda like how i always have to watch “hocus pocus”. shut up! it’s a classic! after that we celebrated my sister’s 23 with some scrubs inspired appletinis!
i pretty much never have pictures of me. so this is rare! sometimes being the camera chick sucks. D;
nii-san with our martini shaker substitute (an emptied out voss bottle) and her friend stephanie with the apple garnish.
nii-san and stephanie were going out later for more drinks so they only made their appletinis with green apple smirnoff ice. nii-san was nice enough to make beni’s and mine virgin. aren’t our martini glasses fancy?? *sigh* still sucks how all our stuff is packed away in boxes, but hey. no one complained!
during appletinis we just chatting tons more. a lot of batman related stuff came up as well as spectacular spider-man. hmm… see what i mean about nerd stuff? after that, beni and i had to leave to meet up with our friend dara for party-hopping. also nii and steph were planning to go out as well. we pretty much finished off the night watching mega64 videos. ahhh… it was a pretty good night. hahaha~
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aside from that. everything’s going ok…for the most part. i’m not completely bored out of my mind yet from not being able to do ANYTHING, so that’s good. i’ll give it a few more days till i say “FUCK IT” and turn in a few job applications. i’ll try to work. hell, i HAVE to work sometime!! if my doctor still says it’s too much stress on me, then i’ll stop. developing some sciatic nerve pain now which really blows, but i think i can tough it out. just keep my legs elevated while i sleep and knees above my hips when i sit. i think that’s the remedy.
things coming up:
-8th, open house at the wushu guan’s new location.
-photo shoot on the 14th. hopefully i can go this time. anyone want to join? text me!
-17th, appointment with DCF, hopefully going to get some more benefits.
-next appointment with doctor on the 20th. keep your fingers crossed for better news.
-25th daddy HOPEFULLY finally comes home from the philippines.
-25th at 7pm, premier of the ben 10 alien swarm movie.
-sometime in nov is thanksgiving. when is this again??
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toodles for now! much love!
“whatever it takes, i know i can make it through…”
ZOMG! derp! 25/07/2009
when it comes out, make sure to watch district 9. it looks AWESOME!
today was the ben 10 panel and the king of fighters flash mob. super awesome and fun! tomorrow is the last day of SDCC. makes me a sad panda. it’s ok. i think i need to enjoy being back in california. ^^
star wars monkey!!! 24/07/2009
again, that’s all you get. awesome day though! today WAS star wars day too. got to see mark hamil (sp plz?). doesn’t quite look like luke anymore. haha. i wanted him to say something firelord ozai-like.
tomorrow is the Ben 10 panel and the King of Fighter’s cosplay contest and flash mob! can’t wait!!
HIGH FIIIIVE! 23/07/2009
soooo…
beni got to high five nolan north of uncharted 2: among thieves.
hot.
Comic Con Day Two: DONE
Comic Con Day Three
(Friday)
things to look forward to:
- sparticus panel
- teenage mutant ninja turtles
- live rifftrax
Comic Con Day Four
(Saturday)
ohhhh riiiight!
pika~ >=D 23/07/2009
BAAAM!!!!
that’s all you get today. come to comic con. it rocks my panties off.
COME ON COME ON!
girl fiends 13/07/2009
NOTE: to all the family members of mine who read this entry, please excuse any language i might use. i promise i’m still a proper girl. =3
i’ve been thinking a lot recently about my friends here in florida. why? well, because i’m heading back to california soon and i was thinking about all the people i will be leaving behind. i’ve noticed that half the friends i have, i hate.
ooo. ouch. ok. that was a bit harsh. ok ok. rewording. i don’t HATE them, but i feel like a lot of them always let me down. yesterday, i got so upset with one friend that i was yelling about how much i wanted to punch her in the mouth so i can permanently disfigure her jaw so she could never speak normally ever again. and when i kept dwelling on it, it really made me want to move to the philippines so i didn’t have to deal with her shit anymore.
it sucks. really it does. i just feel like i’m always let down by one friend if not more. oh. but here we go. ready for the real kicker?
all the friends that have constantly let me down are girls.
i don’t know. do i just have girl repellent or something? do i have a note on my back saying “hey girls! i’m a fun person to disappoint! fuck me over”! i don’t know. maybe this is a sign i should limit my girl friends to only a small few if any at all. i was reading a character profile on the SNK wikipedia (because i’ve been writing up my own character profiles recently) and one of the character’s “Most Unpleasant” was “women” and that kinda made me laugh. i mean, seriously? WOMEN? why would anyone be uncomfortable around–oh fuck. that’s when i realised i’m probably just like that. i’m always around so many guys that i think i’m just becoming one of them. and if there are any other females around, i tend to get uncomfortable. wow. that sounds really bad.
maybe i’m just overreacting. probably. i don’t know. ughh.. geez. sorry for the downer blog. entries like this are meant for livejournal emo posts. i promise the next blog will be happier. =3
the fire brodeo performing at club tantra (4 july)
