MIRL 04/08/2010

so i’ve been looking on craigslist.com kinda hoping to find a barista job around the area that has a schedule i could work with.  nothing good so far.  i have been contacted though for random things.  mainly as a gentleman’s club “entertainer”.  ehhh.  no…  i honestly wouldn’t mind, but beni would go ape-shit!  that and if i worked those shifts (which are nights) it’d be hard to find someone to take care of dakota.  ash works nights, beni might be doing howl-o-scream soon so he can’t do nights, and i’m left with no one else.  D=  so no gentleman’s club for me.

while browsing there, i did come across one post that mentioned this site called MIRL.  basically it’s a site where you post ads looking for people with similar interests to hang out with.  i signed up for kicks posting an ad looking for anyone who doesn’t mind being around young parents.  i could be wrong but i think some of our friends are starting to leave us out of hang-out dates because we have a package deal now.  really sucks.  oh well.  if they are really friends, they would love to have dakota around.  so just posted the ad.  not sure how much success i’ll have but it’s worth a try.

ps: here’s a new picture of kai that i just took today after her bath.  soooo cute!

little kai’s little man 23/07/2010

attending metrocon for the weekend.  my sister is finally getting involved with the convention on her own and i want to support her!  i just saw her fire show routine this evening.  ZOMG!  best fan routine i’ve seen!!!  all the other ones tend to be stiff and boring.  this one had buzzsaws off the wazoo!  marvellous!

and kai met the man that she will be arranged marriage to!  xD

they got along well.  both have never seen another baby their age before.  the little man on the right’s name is eric.  he is the son of our old cast mate JC Collins and his girlfriend Jessica (who i actually knew from when i worked at teavana. xD)  eric is four days older than DK so jc and jessica said that the two were destined to be together and that we should just sign the marriage papers now.  xD  these kids are so cute!

ahh!  and i got back to tablet drawing!  that damn thing is so hard to draw on!!  and i suck at drawing with paper to begin with!  well, enjoy! 

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moving along 22/11/2009

no zen-like youtube music today.  the music i hear is nii-san playing resident evil 5′s mercenaries.  which btw, resident evil 5 gold, ZOMG!  two new champaigns and mercenaries reunion with 8 new players??!  eek!  needs to come out NYYYAAAOOWWW!!

what’s been up recently?  well, things have been getting better since my little relapse, so that’s good.  i’ve been able to do a little mantra meditation and such to get me back in-tuned and grounded again.  also been reading some “happy books”.  yeah…  counselor recommended a few books for me to pick up, so i thought, eh.  why not give it a shot.  plus i haven’t done any reading in FOREVER, so it’s good to get back into it.  i’m just so glad my stupid episode is over and i can get back to taking care of myself and my family.

speaking of family, so beni moved!  ok.  he kinda did.  he moved to his brother’s old room and it’s AWESOME!  it’s so much bigger than his old room.  hell, it’s even bigger than MY room!  we got pretty much all the furniture in the new room, just gotta finish moving all his clothes and such.  there’s so much space there now we can just sprawl out on the floor and chill..which we do.  x3  and gaming is more enjoyable too.  we aren’t dangerously close to the tv anymore so our eyes can endure even longer gaming sessions.  hahaha…  which is good because a lot of good games just came out.  uncharted 2, assassin’s creed 2, modern warfare 2…just noticed these are all sequels.  funny..  anyway, a lot of good games!  here’s how we celebrated the move:

mmm…we DO enjoy the bubblies!  and check out the totally cute purple micro-plush throw beni got for me for the move.  i LOVE it!!!  it’s so soft!!  <33  i think i’m doing what elliot from scrubs did at the end of the series.  i think i’m secretly moving into beni’s place.  haha.  i think that’s just me hoping that one day beni asks me to move in with him.  maybe one day…  ^^;

on the 17th, i met my nutritionist for the free food program i signed up for.  it was pretty cool talking about my current diet and how i can improve it for my health.  she said that i could keep with my vegitarian diet which rocks!  but i have to drink…*gulps*…milk…  ugh!  i’m serious, that shit is nasty.  i’ve been downing it with chocolate syrup and vanilla extract and i still can’t stand it.  i’m glad i only have to drink it half the time.  man…why can’t soy milk be included in the program??  ;A;  speaking of healthy eating, beni just wowed me recently by hitting up a veggie patty sub at subway recently:
veggie patties!
oh my brave man!  i still find it funny that he chose it out of the blue.  i assumed he would’ve ordered something more…dead.  but he enjoyed it and he even said he’d eat it again.  now if i can get him to eat at least a tomato slice…hmm…  baby steps!  also, i went to tijuana flats for the first time yesterday.  it was actually REALLY good.  i had a veggie soft taco and i wanted MORE.  maybe we can go sometime again soon.  we went to the one on this plaza called village place off montague street.  very nice place.  i wish i can get a flat there!

ooo!  and i just got in a few goodies!  i’m so excited for them!

after my favourite ahnk necklace broke a year or so ago, i’ve been going through so many different necklaces to fill the void.  i’ve had a lot but none stuck it out long enough.  the ones made of metal eventually rusted, my hemp ones broke, and my favourite necklace that tita modie gave me is now scattered all over beni’s floor.  ;A;  i finally just decided to go online and just search.  i looked through so many online stores to find SOMETHING that would just call out to me.  there were a few that were begging me to buy them, and i still just might do that, but i finally came across this lovely om necklace that said, “hey, raven.  you know i’m the one for you!”  it’s a lovely little pewter om that i found in a store on ebay.  my last necklace (the ahnk) was pewter too, so i think this was somehow destined.  ^^  and it was surprisingly really inexpensive!  the ones that i kept looking over that i loved were a bit pricey.  around the 40 and up range which i usually don’t mind considering my favourite ahnk necklace of all time was around 70, but this little guy was under 6 dollars!  EEE!!!  and it looks SOOOO much cuter than it’s picture online!  <33  ॐ

i also just got in the crystal wands i ordered earlier in the week.  they are so beautiful!  i was so afraid the ones the lady would pick out for me would be really pale coloured ones, but these are just..uhhh!!!  i love them!  also, the seller sent a tumbled moonstone and aventurine as a free gift!!  i can’t wait to use them all!

—

lastly…

I GOT A JOB!!!!

much needed love 11/11/2009

i’ve been having such a terrible last few weeks or so.  recently things being about my health, beni working a lot to where i can’t see him, and beni finding out about his life-altering back disease.  all that plus the negative energy i’ve been having prior to all that.  i just felt so down and that i was completely alone.

then suddenly everything good came rushing.  i am this much closer to finding employment.  i know that my doctor recommended i not work or do anything that might stress me out till further notice, but i just feel like despite obvious reasons (keeping busy and income) i REALLY needed this.  if i get the job, and it is still considered too stressful for me according to my doctor, i can just simply quit.  i think i’m good though.  hehe.  so waiting for the call-back.  wish me luck!

it started out with a visit to my mother.  is was the day after halloween and it’s tradition in the philippines to visit those who have passed.  it was late in the day, i had left beni’s home late after helping care for him since he was suffering through a migrane along with his backpain, i’d gone three different places looking for flowers for my mother without avail, and the sun was setting earlier starting that day.  i was bummed out by the time i visited my mother, but once i did, i just let out everything.  it’s always beautiful in the sunset memory gardens, and i always feel like my mom does a little something just to make those visits a little more pleasant.  after somewhat “venting”, i felt so much more peaceful.

a few days later, i get a letter from my good friend ahni.  she moved to california not long after i did and because of that i rarely hear from her aside from a few myspace messages here and there.  she didn’t know that i’d been so down, but somehow just holding her letter in my hand just washed away any stress i had that day.  i almost felt like somewhere in her subconcious she knew that i was in need of a little ahni-induced-happiness.  she’d be living a pretty good life in cali doing what she loves and that really inspired me to do just that as well.  i resumed my paintings and they look so much more beautiful than i could have imagined them to be.  hopefully soon they will be completed.

maddie is one of the few people that knows exactly what is going on with me.  out of all my closest friends right now, i have known madison the longest and i feel like i can open up to her whenever i need to.  it also seems like whenever i’m down, she can somehow sense it because the next thing i know i’ll see a message on my phone from her asking “is everything ok?”

i get a call from one of my best girlfriends suzy.  she had been worried about me recently because of how i have been acting.  i try not to burden others with my problems even by telling them what is wrong, but for some reason i felt it was ok to do it just this once.  i let out everything, what is wrong with me, that i’ve been feeling down, and how i felt so hopeless…and she listened.  held on to every word and listened and reassured me everything was going to be ok.  it is funny how our friendship randomly fired back up so suddenly after not speaking to her for maybe 2 years, but boy am i glad as hell it happened.  <33

by some crazy chance, the universe led my dear friend jules over to this exact blog.  he looked through my entries only to be saddened by my current state of mind and general well-being.  a few days ago i get a call from him.  he’s one of those that not only is a great listener but knows just what to say to make things so much better.  he suggested we just get together sometime soon to just chat and hopefully work through my problems.  i hope that happens!  before we ended the call he reassured me that i will get through this tough time.  he told me whenever i’m too overwhelmed, breathe in “love” and exhale “light”.  i tried it that night, and it really DID help.  i’ve been using that technique since and i think i’ll eventually swear by it.  ^^

my cousin terra (tayler) is probably my closest relative aside from immediate family.  we grew up together and to this day i still consider her my “little sister”.  the girl is only 15, six years younger than me and she is probably one of the most intuitive, but not aware, person i know.  i am now convinced she is an indigo.  it was one night i was talking to her for some time and during then it was brought up that i was sick.  she immediately brought up what she thought was wrong and was completely right about EVERYTHING.  it was crazy.  she mentioned that she had several dreams about it throughout the year already and was surprised to see that it was actually reality now.  surprising to me, she was EXTREMELY supportive about the whole thing and is really enthusiastic to help.  everytime i speak to hear now, she wants to know how i am.  she’s been really invovled with my journey and i can’t help but be thankful for that little bundle of joy i first met back in 1994.

since finding out what medical condition i was going though, i felt as if my sister had done everything to distance herself from me.  i felt as if i couldn’t talk to her and if i needed her, she woudn’t do anything to help me.  i’m hoping that that is just her way with handling news such as this, but i still hated it.  i would get angry with her very easily, but did everything i could to keep it to myself considering her sensitive personality.  sometimes, ok.  correction, i ALWAYS feel like i am in fact the older sister and i’m watching over some sort of 8 year old.  she’s known about my condition since 9 september, and i still don’t think she’s ready to accept it.  but recently, i think she’s been starting to start accepting.  excuse the repetition.  maybe i’m just blinded by my hopes, but i feel like she’s been doing a little more to spend a little time with me whether it be watching our hour and a half of scrubs around midnight or her hanging in my main room playing resident evil 5.  baby steps, and i’m so thankful for them.  <33

lastly, how could i forget my darling sweetheart, soul mate, father of my future children, love of my life boyfriend beni?  sadly enough, some of my recent depression was because i was spending so little time away from him and whenever i was fortunate to speak to him, all we would talk about how depressed HE was about his back condition.  we would spend the night talking about how badly his back was ruining his life and how he will never be the same ever again and his hopes and dreams were crushed because of this.  i did everything i could to cheer him up, make him feel better, but nothing seemed to work.  i felt useless which made me feel even more depressed.  it got to the point where i almost didn’t want to pick up the phone whenever he would call.  just when i felt the most distant from him, i get a text from him saying “there’s something i want you to know“.  it was a little out of nowhere, so my only response was, “yes?“  moments later i get the most heart-warming picture text.

it seriously brought tears to my eyes.  just when i was at my lowest point, beni jumps right in to pull me out.  i couldn’t ask for something, for someone so perfect.

i think the universe is taking good care of me now.  i was alone and now i’m filled with so much needed love.  i almost feel like the universe is spoiling me a little, but i’m not complaining.  i’m hoping things will start looking up.  hopefully my next doctor’s appointment will reveal good news.  we’ll see how everything plays out.

halloweeny 03/11/2009

not sure how the rest of you spent your halloween, but i can say mine was a little more quiet than usual.  halloween is my sister’s birthday so something is always planned with the family.  well, with just nii-san and me with dad still out in the complete opposite side of the world, we didn’t really have much planned especially since dad’s stay extension was totally last minute.

it started out at beni’s house.  i had stayed the night there because the night before was the halloween party for our kung fu school.  we got out there around 0230 in the morning, and upon getting home, beni played borderlands till about 6 in the morning.  i fell asleep during that time.  so our halloween started out late.  it was already past noon, i’d been making calls to my sister asking what her plans were, and during that, i still hadn’t eaten.  blood sugar low, starving, stressed, then finally eddie and nikki come and we head out to first watch for “breakfast”.  delish…  had a “veg’d out” omelette.  sooooo good.  and beni let me have some of his pumpkin pancake.  doubly good….  got back to beni’s then we drove over to my house to start birthday stuff with nii-san.

nii-san’s friend stephanie joined us later.  it’s always fun to have her around.  i feel less nerdy when she and ash start to babble about something like buffy or hetalia.  haha…  i think beni even got along with stephanie too.  they had some “nerd bickers/wars”, but all in good taste.  i thought i’d be the nice little sister and make nii-san some homemade fettucini alfredo, one of her favourites.  i think i need to adjust the recipe for next time, but it was still good.  i think mostly everyone had seconds.  while everyone was still talking at the dinner table, i started making some fruit jello.  which now that i think about it, we never got to eat because it didn’t cool in time and now that it’s not pure liquid, it’s frozen solid.  i hope it’s good though.

for the halloween part of the day, we watched “the lost skeleton of cadavra” which was probably one of the best cheese-tastic movies i’ve seen since zoolander.  xD  it was amazing and we all loved it.

“and together, you and i shall rule this world together!”

oh the cheese…  it was so good.  everyone should watch it.  it should be a halloween tradition or something.  kinda like how i always have to watch “hocus pocus”.  shut up!  it’s a classic!  after that we celebrated my sister’s 23 with some scrubs inspired appletinis!

i pretty much never have pictures of me.  so this is rare!  sometimes being the camera chick sucks.  D;

nii-san with our martini shaker substitute (an emptied out voss bottle) and her friend stephanie with the apple garnish.

nii-san and stephanie were going out later for more drinks so they only made their appletinis with green apple smirnoff ice.  nii-san was nice enough to make beni’s and mine virgin.  aren’t our martini glasses fancy??  *sigh*  still sucks how all our stuff is packed away in boxes, but hey.  no one complained!

during appletinis we just chatting tons more.  a lot of batman related stuff came up as well as spectacular spider-man.  hmm…  see what i mean about nerd stuff?  after that, beni and i had to leave to meet up with our friend dara for party-hopping.  also nii and steph were planning to go out as well.  we pretty much finished off the night watching mega64 videos.  ahhh…  it was a pretty good night.  hahaha~

—

aside from that.  everything’s going ok…for the most part.  i’m not completely bored out of my mind yet from not being able to do ANYTHING, so that’s good.  i’ll give it a few more days till i say “FUCK IT” and turn in a few job applications.  i’ll try to work.  hell, i HAVE to work sometime!!  if my doctor still says it’s too much stress on me, then i’ll stop.  developing some sciatic nerve pain now which really blows, but i think i can tough it out.  just keep my legs elevated while i sleep and knees above my hips when i sit.  i think that’s the remedy.

things coming up:
-8th, open house at the wushu guan’s new location.
-photo shoot on the 14th.  hopefully i can go this time.  anyone want to join?  text me!
-17th, appointment with DCF, hopefully going to get some more benefits.
-next appointment with doctor on the 20th.  keep your fingers crossed for better news.
-25th daddy HOPEFULLY finally comes home from the philippines.
-25th at 7pm, premier of the ben 10 alien swarm movie.
-sometime in nov is thanksgiving.  when is this again??

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toodles for now!  much love!

“whatever it takes, i know i can make it through…”

oh lovely day 09/10/2009

i’ve been in a pretty good mood recently.  i think it’s because it’s autumn and i keep having this good feeling that it’s going to be really deliciously cold and beautiful.  i don’t know.  just a good feeling, so don’t rain on my parade.  hahaha..

i’m still pretty sick.  i know i talk about that all the time, but the illness is kinda long term.  i should be getting better really soon.  at least i’m finally going to see an actual doctor about it.  yep!  i have an appointment on the 23rd of october.  i’m a bit nervous so hear what he has to say, but i’m keeping my fingers crossed that everything is good.  i’m not quite sure i’m ready to publically say what exactly i’m sick with, but it’ll come eventually.  just be patient.  ^^  just know i’m not dying!

a video blog is long, LONG overdue, i know, and i’m hoping i can do one soon.  i just have a lot going on right now and during the time i’m actually NOT suffering from one of my many symptoms, i’m doing things like paperwork, bills, or just trying to enjoy my time with friends because, hell, i’m effin’ back in florida and i freakin’ miss them!  i might just do a short one, do just compose something like my vloggeversary video.  i record a lot of crap when i’m with friends so that should count as a vlog right?  and now that i know i have a lot more family and friends who actually WAIT for me to update those, heh heh…i need to get on the ball, eh?

other than that, being really artsy still.  doing a few paintings, not finished a few but HUUUSSSHHH, and really just enjoying painting freehanded.  i been really wanting to move this is artist community in Land O Lakes, but i don’t think i’ll be able to move now anytime soon.  i’m still thinking about it and keeping it on the top of the list.  which reminds me, they have parties a lot.  anyone ever want to go??  i always want to but beni doesn’t so i’d be going alone…and that’s sad…  hit me up on the emailz, twitter, myspace, or something.  also MIGHT be doing a photoshoot there sometime soon.  i’ll have to see how i feel, but i really want to go.  anyone is welcome to come with me too if you want!  <33

quick family update:
niisan is actually being a responsible adult and looking for jobs and such.  she’s been going to career workshops and everything!  hell, i didn’t even do that.  maybe i should.  haha.  maybe i need to find a career to pursue first though.  hmm..  her birthday is also coming up soon on the 31st.  oh that halloween baby.  as for dad, birthday coming up soon on the 25th.  i feel so left out being in february!  hmm.  and at mom’s birthday was on may, so we are both out of the october loop.  other than that, dad is busy saving the world!  haha.  kinda.  since the typhoon in the philippines, my dad’s been travelling across the phils feeding homeless people and just being an all-around good person.  i’m wondering if there’s a person of the year type thing i can nominate him for.  no.  i’m serious.

this little raven is off.  i’ve got a few interwebz stuff to catch up on, then after that, focus on not getting a headache, then going out with the boyfriend.  toodles!

doing ok 24/09/2009

quite a bit of my recent stress has been alleviated.  not quite gone, but at least i can take a break.  there’s still a lot of REALLY important things i need to do, but i think i will fair ok.  daddy just left for the philippines a week ago.  he usually goes off there these days so nii-san and i are pretty used to it.  but he didn’t call us when he was on his way to japan like he usually does so i was freaking out.  and since then i hadn’t even heard if he had landed safely or not.  so many things went through my head while worrying about daddy’s whereabouts.  i even got sick(er) thinking about what might’ve happened.  yes.  i was literally worred sick.  but he finally gave us a ring today saying he was all right.  phew!  there goes a lot of stress.  also i think i have MOSTLY taking care of all the medicaid crap i have to deal with.  i’m hoping all i have to do is just fax the documents they need and i’m done.  *happy sigh*  feels so good.

because of that, the last few days i’ve been able to hoop again (still VERY sore, but at least i’m not nauseated by slight movement) and i’ve been very artsy.  tonight i must’ve hooped about 2 hours put together.  it’s easy to do when you watch tv.  haha.  took a few breaks of course, but it rocked.  i’m hoping to tone back up a little.  i’ve gained quite a bit of weight since i had gotten sick over a month ago.  also been doing a lot of quick sketching and a bit of painting.  i can say this because beni never reads my journal.  i’ve also been working pretty hard on beni’s birthday painting.  not sure if i’m going to be able to finish it in a timely manner, so i’m thinking about saving that piece for christmas and painting him something a little less complex.  but i’ve been doing a lot of acrylic painting as well as digital.  i also finally got corel painter.  it’s pretty hard compared to photoshop, but i’ll get the hang of it eventually.  i absolutely LOVE the watercolours!!

well, i’m going to go.  but i’ll leave you off with one digital painting i did.  happy being!

and it just keeps getting worse 01/09/2009

in response to Feeling Illz (20/8/2009).

like i mentioned in that blog, i pretty much felt like shit all around.  nausea here, pain here, pain there, lack-of or unusual appetite, so on and so forth.  well, went to a doctor and found out what’s wrong with me.  i probably won’t say it until i know for a fact it’s permanent.

i just feel like this came at a bad time.  aside from the typical economic slump causing me and my sister to not find jobs, dad is stressed out about getting the taxes done, he has his new businesses to worry about, the living situation isn’t really permanent and we have no idea when it will change, and everyone else around me doesn’t seem to be doing too good either.  my friend madison has to leave her flat because her PoS ex just upped and left one day leaving her with nothing.  my friend’s kid has a brain tumour and is not responding well to the treatment.  and now beni’s family’s in a rut too because some little shit-bag on paypal decided it’d be cool to steal ALL of steve’s (beni’s dad) money from his bank.  bad enough beni’s mom is a mooch living off alamony and letting her lame-ass boyfriend to mooch as well.

it’s just such a bad time right now for everyone and i feel like my situation is just so inconvenient.  *sigh*  it’s ok.  i’ll get through it and hopefully everything else with be better soon.

wish i had something here i can post to lighten the mood, but i’m just all out of goodies right now..

2 year vloggiversary! 08/08/2009